Chris says I'm continuing to improve. I'll take that on trust. It's hard for me to judge. I think my energy level is better but really it had nowhere to go but up.
Headaches continued to dog me, some quite nasty ones had me in tears. I worried that the medicene that was starting to help me would end up causing a bad enough side effect I couldn't continue it. However the last couple of days, I haven't had a single one. I'm hoping I've adjusted enough I'm done with them.
Emotionally I still feel raw. I'm easily overwhelmed. I'm trying to be more interactive, trying to post daily on facebook and my writing board. Not doing as well on returning calls and emails :(.
My body seems little different than last week but I haven't back slid. It's early in the process. I'm only on the initial dosage and so I have to remind myself to be patient.
I thought I'd gotten pretty good at giving myself the shots but the last two I managed to hit veins. Just a little blood, a little stinging and a lot of sheepishness.
Overall I believe the GH is worth it and Chris says he's certain it is.
4/30/10
4/20/10
Two weeks complete
The bad, always best to get that out of the way first :)
The headaches for some hours after taking medicine persists. Not horrid, just throbbing. It messes with me somewhat because when the tumor grows large enough I've headaches. Logically I know the MRI was good, that the tumor is only a few cells large but emotionally lets just say I'm not fond of headaches.
The emotional, social isolation, having trouble wanting to engage with people issue persists. The scene in Top Gun when Maverick disengages then struggles to engage comes to mind except he recovers in a big way. I take a small step then retreat a half a step. I managed some email, some posts and chats on facebook but just couldn't go to a birthday party, can barely handle being among all the people at the boy's track meets, had difficulty handling teen angst and cranky working long hours husband. It still feels like I'm missing a protective, layer of emotional skin, everything stings.
The good - my body is functioning better.
My skin while still dry is less so, no longer resembles my memory of my Grandma's skin at 80 maybe at 60 now.
The last few days I haven't had to take what used to be a daily, stirring spoon heaped with fiber in order to 'function' in the bathroom. Very pleased about that. I felt like an old lady who had to have her bran muffin and prunes every morning or there was hell to pay.
Still tired but less so, still moody but less so, still trouble concentrating, being able to think clear but less so.
Imagine living constantly navigating through dense fog. Today while I'm still making my way through troubling, annoying, difficult to see through fog, it's less dense, lighter and I can maneuver better.
From the inside it's hard to gauge if I'm improving or I'm just hoping I am so I asked Chris his opinion. He says I'm improving. The fog analogy above is his. :)
I am hopeful.
The headaches for some hours after taking medicine persists. Not horrid, just throbbing. It messes with me somewhat because when the tumor grows large enough I've headaches. Logically I know the MRI was good, that the tumor is only a few cells large but emotionally lets just say I'm not fond of headaches.
The emotional, social isolation, having trouble wanting to engage with people issue persists. The scene in Top Gun when Maverick disengages then struggles to engage comes to mind except he recovers in a big way. I take a small step then retreat a half a step. I managed some email, some posts and chats on facebook but just couldn't go to a birthday party, can barely handle being among all the people at the boy's track meets, had difficulty handling teen angst and cranky working long hours husband. It still feels like I'm missing a protective, layer of emotional skin, everything stings.
The good - my body is functioning better.
My skin while still dry is less so, no longer resembles my memory of my Grandma's skin at 80 maybe at 60 now.
The last few days I haven't had to take what used to be a daily, stirring spoon heaped with fiber in order to 'function' in the bathroom. Very pleased about that. I felt like an old lady who had to have her bran muffin and prunes every morning or there was hell to pay.
Still tired but less so, still moody but less so, still trouble concentrating, being able to think clear but less so.
Imagine living constantly navigating through dense fog. Today while I'm still making my way through troubling, annoying, difficult to see through fog, it's less dense, lighter and I can maneuver better.
From the inside it's hard to gauge if I'm improving or I'm just hoping I am so I asked Chris his opinion. He says I'm improving. The fog analogy above is his. :)
I am hopeful.
4/14/10
Another day, another shot
I'm going to start posting once a week rather than daily. On day 8 and day 9 I revisited my thighs. I've almost got the routine down pat. Slight odd taste in my mouth and slight headache but doing alright. Chris tells me he believes he sees some improvement in my mood. I wonder how does a person measure that?
One week
Turned the other cheek, lol. Chris took another jab at me :) No shakiness at all but again a slight headache.
4/10/10
Day Six
Tonight my hands didn't shake a bit. I didn't draw any blood. I didn't feel the jab. I did pretty darn good. Still having a slight headache afterwards. I wonder how to judge moods, from the inside I don't know if I can tell when and if there's improvement. I keep telling myself I have to give it time but I want to feel it working so bad.
Yesterday
Chris was a pain in my butt, literally. He gave me my GH shot, was way too happy about it. lol Seriously though my husband was great and other than a slight jab it didn't hurt. I didn't get shaky so I'm hoping that my body is starting to adjust to it. I did have a headache for a while but it wasn't bad.
4/9/10
Next dose
I can't say I've got this down cold yet. My hands still shake as I prepare the Genotropin but it seemed less daunting tonight.
I feel less shaky afterwards this time which is good. I'll also note I've had a slight metallic taste in my mouth since the dose.
Another symptom I have is having difficulty regulating body temperate. I get cold easy. The boys call me lizard. I also overheat easy. No cute nickname for that but during the summer months I've had to be careful.
I'm wondering if that will improve. I wonder what is simply just how I am, how my body works and what all is part of the deficiency.
I feel less shaky afterwards this time which is good. I'll also note I've had a slight metallic taste in my mouth since the dose.
Another symptom I have is having difficulty regulating body temperate. I get cold easy. The boys call me lizard. I also overheat easy. No cute nickname for that but during the summer months I've had to be careful.
I'm wondering if that will improve. I wonder what is simply just how I am, how my body works and what all is part of the deficiency.
4/8/10
Day three
I'm supposed to give my shots in my thighs, abdomen or buttocks and I'm not to give a shot in the same site two days in a row. Tonight I was a little nervous because it was time to move to the abdomen. For some reason I thought it'll hurt more, be more sensitive. Actually I did better than yesterday. It didn't hurt at all and no blood.
I got over tired, over stressed putting the washer back in place earlier. It just returned from getting repaired. Chris got it in the house, in the living room then had to go to work. The boys and I got it through the house, through the garage and back under the dryer. One teen, overtired from practice, lost his temper in the process. I sent him to work on homework. Took an hour to hook everything back into place properly in the small dark place it goes. Then at first try it wouldn't spin and I was on the verge of either crying or screaming. Luckily Chris called. He reminded me the repair guys said the soap drawer wasn't closing quite right and that would mess up the signal to spin. Weird I know but yes I open and shut it and the wonderful machine worked.
I take it back. After two loads no matter what I do the demon machine will not wash. ARGH!
So at the moment my chest hurts a bit, I'm a little shaky and hot. I can't tell what's due to the medication and what's just trying to cope. I plan to note how I feel every day for some weeks to track patterns and hopefully improvements.
I got over tired, over stressed putting the washer back in place earlier. It just returned from getting repaired. Chris got it in the house, in the living room then had to go to work. The boys and I got it through the house, through the garage and back under the dryer. One teen, overtired from practice, lost his temper in the process. I sent him to work on homework. Took an hour to hook everything back into place properly in the small dark place it goes. Then at first try it wouldn't spin and I was on the verge of either crying or screaming. Luckily Chris called. He reminded me the repair guys said the soap drawer wasn't closing quite right and that would mess up the signal to spin. Weird I know but yes I open and shut it and the wonderful machine worked.
I take it back. After two loads no matter what I do the demon machine will not wash. ARGH!
So at the moment my chest hurts a bit, I'm a little shaky and hot. I can't tell what's due to the medication and what's just trying to cope. I plan to note how I feel every day for some weeks to track patterns and hopefully improvements.
4/7/10
Second day
I gave myself my first shot, second dose, second day on Genotropin. I did okay but Chris did better yesterday. Mine actually bled a drop, :) but my dear hubby didn't make me bleed at all. My eldest laughed when he learned I made Dad give me the first dose. He said I should consider this a 'bonding' experience.
I feel a little shaky as I did yesterday but otherwise okay. Perhaps a little headache but that could be just the late hour and needing to sleep.
I feel a little shaky as I did yesterday but otherwise okay. Perhaps a little headache but that could be just the late hour and needing to sleep.
4/6/10
Growth Hormone Replacement
If you click on the title of this post you'll go to a site about my medication and Adult Growth Hormone Deficiency (AGHD).
We've decided that replacement therapy is best for me and since my pituitary won't suddenly start producing it again, I'll be taking this for the rest of my life.
We've had some good news. Our insurance approved my prescription for Genotropin on the third week of March. Of course only then did they tell us they'd cover it like any other name brand prescription. We have a 30.00 per month co-pay but they'll 'review' it next year. However this year the Pfizer Bridge Program is going to cover the co-pay. I cannot express how much of a relief those two pieces of news were.
Another bit of interesting news is that on the day of my second stimulation test my IGF –1 was normal even though my growth hormone was low. Therefore my growth hormone could've been low for some time, weeks, months, years, there's is no way to tell. The initial growth of the tumor could've done the damage, the first surgery, the re growth, the second surgery, when and which of those events did it is anyone's guess. I'm lucky my IGF-1 was low in November because otherwise they wouldn't have tested me.
I'm also lucky for that in February I tested normal IGF-1 with low GH. They usually adjust dosage based on the IGF-1 results. If my IGF-1 had been low with low GH as is typical then they'd after I started taking Genotropin they'd have adjusted my dosage when it tested in the normal range which may have left me still deficient and feeling bad. Because of my February results my doctor said she'll have to figure my 'normal' to be in the top end of the typical range.
And so the daily shots begin. I received my first round of meds last week. Today a nurse came my home and instructed Chris and I on how to handle those shots. He gave me my first dose and for a man who used to say he hated needles, he did just fine. I feel a little shaky but okay.
It’ll take weeks to adjust to it, months to see improvement. My next appointment is in June. My blood work then will show if I’m good on this initial dose or if it’ll need to be adjusted. Still it’s nice to have a treatable cause and to finally begin the treatment.
We've decided that replacement therapy is best for me and since my pituitary won't suddenly start producing it again, I'll be taking this for the rest of my life.
We've had some good news. Our insurance approved my prescription for Genotropin on the third week of March. Of course only then did they tell us they'd cover it like any other name brand prescription. We have a 30.00 per month co-pay but they'll 'review' it next year. However this year the Pfizer Bridge Program is going to cover the co-pay. I cannot express how much of a relief those two pieces of news were.
Another bit of interesting news is that on the day of my second stimulation test my IGF –1 was normal even though my growth hormone was low. Therefore my growth hormone could've been low for some time, weeks, months, years, there's is no way to tell. The initial growth of the tumor could've done the damage, the first surgery, the re growth, the second surgery, when and which of those events did it is anyone's guess. I'm lucky my IGF-1 was low in November because otherwise they wouldn't have tested me.
I'm also lucky for that in February I tested normal IGF-1 with low GH. They usually adjust dosage based on the IGF-1 results. If my IGF-1 had been low with low GH as is typical then they'd after I started taking Genotropin they'd have adjusted my dosage when it tested in the normal range which may have left me still deficient and feeling bad. Because of my February results my doctor said she'll have to figure my 'normal' to be in the top end of the typical range.
And so the daily shots begin. I received my first round of meds last week. Today a nurse came my home and instructed Chris and I on how to handle those shots. He gave me my first dose and for a man who used to say he hated needles, he did just fine. I feel a little shaky but okay.
It’ll take weeks to adjust to it, months to see improvement. My next appointment is in June. My blood work then will show if I’m good on this initial dose or if it’ll need to be adjusted. Still it’s nice to have a treatable cause and to finally begin the treatment.
How I Feel
My doctor wants me to write down how I feel now so I can come back after six months on Genotropin and be amazed at how much better I am. Within a year, she believes I’ll feel pretty darn good. I hope she’s right because right now it’s hard even to interact with my husband and boys. I won’t transform into a social butterfly in six months but I’d like to upgrade from extreme recluse to mostly a hermit at least.
My attempts at communication with anyone including friends and family have been dismal. Phone calls, letters and emails have been returned sporadically or not at all.
I'm exhausted. Everything is an effort, everyday, all the time. I go to sleep tired, I wake tired. No amount of rest changes it although getting little rest worsens it.
Concentrating, thinking, talking, even composing this is hard. I'm emotionally tired as well, moody, depressed and finding it almost impossible to interact with anyone. Because it's the deficiency of growth hormone that causes all the above depression medication helped little.
There’s nothing I can’t do but it’s frustrating for simple tasks to take extraordinarily long to complete. I write lists and try to work on something everyday because otherwise it feels like my life is passing me by while I sit in a fog of fatigue. It aggravates me for a simple thing like picking up some groceries, writing an email, doing the smallest thing on a home project, to take me hours to finish.
I feel 103 instead of 43. My skin is very dry and thin, looks like an old woman. My hair is fuzzy because it breaks and feels like straw. I walk most nights with the boys, usually a mile because I'm stubborn and refuse not to but even though we've been walking since last summer, its not easier.
I try hard to act normal but I know I'm failing. My poor hubby and kids need and deserve better and I feel I'm letting them down because I'm not ‘coping’ as well as I think I should.
Thats how I feel.
My attempts at communication with anyone including friends and family have been dismal. Phone calls, letters and emails have been returned sporadically or not at all.
I'm exhausted. Everything is an effort, everyday, all the time. I go to sleep tired, I wake tired. No amount of rest changes it although getting little rest worsens it.
Concentrating, thinking, talking, even composing this is hard. I'm emotionally tired as well, moody, depressed and finding it almost impossible to interact with anyone. Because it's the deficiency of growth hormone that causes all the above depression medication helped little.
There’s nothing I can’t do but it’s frustrating for simple tasks to take extraordinarily long to complete. I write lists and try to work on something everyday because otherwise it feels like my life is passing me by while I sit in a fog of fatigue. It aggravates me for a simple thing like picking up some groceries, writing an email, doing the smallest thing on a home project, to take me hours to finish.
I feel 103 instead of 43. My skin is very dry and thin, looks like an old woman. My hair is fuzzy because it breaks and feels like straw. I walk most nights with the boys, usually a mile because I'm stubborn and refuse not to but even though we've been walking since last summer, its not easier.
I try hard to act normal but I know I'm failing. My poor hubby and kids need and deserve better and I feel I'm letting them down because I'm not ‘coping’ as well as I think I should.
Thats how I feel.
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