How I Feel

My doctor wants me to write down how I feel now so I can come back after six months on Genotropin and be amazed at how much better I am. Within a year, she believes I’ll feel pretty darn good. I hope she’s right because right now it’s hard even to interact with my husband and boys. I won’t transform into a social butterfly in six months but I’d like to upgrade from extreme recluse to mostly a hermit at least.

My attempts at communication with anyone including friends and family have been dismal. Phone calls, letters and emails have been returned sporadically or not at all.

I'm exhausted. Everything is an effort, everyday, all the time. I go to sleep tired, I wake tired. No amount of rest changes it although getting little rest worsens it.

Concentrating, thinking, talking, even composing this is hard. I'm emotionally tired as well, moody, depressed and finding it almost impossible to interact with anyone. Because it's the deficiency of growth hormone that causes all the above depression medication helped little.

There’s nothing I can’t do but it’s frustrating for simple tasks to take extraordinarily long to complete. I write lists and try to work on something everyday because otherwise it feels like my life is passing me by while I sit in a fog of fatigue. It aggravates me for a simple thing like picking up some groceries, writing an email, doing the smallest thing on a home project, to take me hours to finish.

I feel 103 instead of 43. My skin is very dry and thin, looks like an old woman. My hair is fuzzy because it breaks and feels like straw. I walk most nights with the boys, usually a mile because I'm stubborn and refuse not to but even though we've been walking since last summer, its not easier.

I try hard to act normal but I know I'm failing. My poor hubby and kids need and deserve better and I feel I'm letting them down because I'm not ‘coping’ as well as I think I should.

Thats how I feel.