Working on a mature attitude

When I was little I wanted to be rare. My sister had severe allergies, was sick a lot and got tons of attention and stuffed animals. I was jealous. I wanted all that too.
I don't now.
Pituitary tumors (aka adenoma) are usually slow growing. Less than 20% of people who have to have them surgically remove/reduced have a recurrence and require another surgery in less than 10 years. I've a rare one. It grew aggressively back after my first surgery in Feb. 07 and again since my second Feb. 09. It has doubled since last year and again is against my left optic nerve.
Since my tumor is growing my genatropin (growth hormone replacement was stopped immediately. Although there is no evidence that it can make a tumor start to or accelerate the growth of a tumor they simply do not want to take the slightest risk that it might. Which means all the problems due to lack of GH will return. :( I'm told if all goes well I'll be able to go back on it in about a year. It's been 4 days and already I feel off, odd, headache, nausea, shaking and exhausted - how much is stress and how much is lack of GH I don't know.
The sooner surgery is done greater the odds of preserving my sight. So Dr. Delashaw will on Nov. 1. Then soon after that, within weeks, I'll have radiation. That wasn't done last time because it has a 90% chance of causing the pituitary to cease all function. Between the aggressive regrowth and all the surgeries right now I'm told it's barely functioning. (Two other hormones on barely holding on to normal limits) The stress and damage and risks of repeating surgery every 2 years or less with make it fail anyway so the goal now it to get it away from my optic nerves and try to 'retard' the growth with radiation.
Dr. Delashaw ended with the reality that since, though rare for these tumor, mine has proven time and again to grow aggressively I'll most likely need surgery again in the future- the radiation will hopefully buy me more time, 5-10 years instead of 1-2.
Words cannot express how I feel at the moment. Coming on the heels of Chris's recovery from surgery the strain is ... His vacation time is exhausted. Don't know how much unpaid time off we can or his work can handle. Our health flex plan emptied on Chris' surgery. I haven't checked yet to see how all the deductable- out of pocket stuff is. Frankly this all seems unreal and I'm having trouble accepting it.
So basically I don't know what we may need or not. I don't know if we need help or not. Unless someone knows a person who wants to buy a 1977 VW camper project van for around 2000.00.
We're taking the weekend to absorb all this information. Monday I have to have pre op stuff done. We'll try to figure out stuff sometime this week and make a plan.